[Another military answer. This one embitters Eren just a bit. He quiets for a moment, trying to think of how to reconcile his words with his emotions. It's something that's taken a lot of practice.]
We were expected to keep things clean as well. Spotless.
[Another moment of quiet. All that can be heard is the sound of the knife hitting the cutting board. He puts the chopped potatoes in a bowl and starts to season them.]
One of my superiors was especially particular about that sort of thing. [Somehow, his voice is just a little hollower when he says that.]
So I suppose the habit simply formed. That makes sense.
[Idly he gets up, hearing the bitter tone in Eren's voice, and moves to wind his arms around his waist from behind- careful not to jostle him in the middle of cutting anything, incase he hurts himself.]
Were you not fond of him?
[He wants to know all about Eren, even the parts he would rather not talk about.]
[Eren feels Hythlodaeus' arms snake around him. The question itself leaves him unsteady; he's grateful to be held.
[Shame seeps from every pore. Eren was fond of him. Eren held him in higher esteem than almost anyone. Eren wanted to be like him. Eren wanted to make him proud.
[They'd considered themselves family once. It seems that was conditional.]
[Eren stills again, jaw going tight. This isn't something he's eager to talk about with anyone, and he hasn't talked about it with anyone - not Maruki, certainly not Jean. Levi and Eren's relationship has always been one that Eren found to be highly personal. It's really no one's business but their own.
[Still. At last, Eren nods.]
Captain Levi. He's a good man. [Eren really believes that.]
Just...don't mention my name.
[The oven beeps. Eren doesn't shift away from Hythlodaeus - merely moves around with him still attached, getting a tray out to put the potatoes on.]
[And in Eren's nature, he fears, the desire to be understood. It has so rarely been met.]
It's alright.
[He has to lean away just long enough to get the potatoes into the oven. After that, he turns in Hythlodaeus' arms until he's facing him again. Eren takes a moment to look at his face. It's soothing.]
I'll tell you what I can. I don't mind you asking.
[He distracts himself with firing up the stove and heating a pan for the steaks.
[The Scout Regiment was dearer to him than anything; it still is now. It was painful to have left at all; it still is now.]
Cadets are like soldiers in training. Recruits who are trained until they can be assigned to a branch of the military. I was a cadet for three years, from twelve to fifteen. Historia was there with me that entire time.
I didn't know her well until we were both Scouts, though. [Historia wore a facade, just like Eren has learned to, but hers was much more pleasant. He liked her better once he learned she was the Worst Girl in the World.]
I see. We did not have a military where I am from, so it is a strange concept to me.
[The idea of being trained to do nothing but fight... it baffles him.]
Some few of us could fight. But when the end came for us all, it was... too much. Had we a military, perhaps it would have been different- but I would not wish for things to be different in that regard. We were a peaceful people.
[He closes his eyes. He wants to say that's how they would have been remembered- as peaceful people- but they wouldn't.]
Until we were not, I suppose.
[They would either be remembered as the Ascians, bringers of chaos, or not at all. Which is worse?]
I'm not sure that a military would have made much difference. [The truths of Hythlodaeus' history sound just as terrible either way, really. People's lives were still sacrificed for some "greater good". Souls were trapped for milennia. What good would soldiers with weapons have done?
[Of course, it was The Scout Regiment that stopped Eren.
[They're different. They're special.]
As for Historia...
It's selfish to say...
[The steaks go into the pan, sizzling.]
It's good to see her again. Given everything I told you, I thought that I never would.
[Eren doesn't find it embarrassing. It's natural, he thinks. Who doesn't want to be near the people they love? Sometimes that is a selfish impulse. Eren can't blame him for it.]
Emet-Selch was my dearest friend, ever since we were children. The most powerful mage I ever knew, and his soul sight was only second to my own. He was there with us, in the city of seven... we confessed to lifelong feelings for one another.
[And then it had ended as abruptly as it had began, when Hythlodaeus was thrust into this world alone.]
When I arrived here, he did not come with me. Not like many others did. And although I am glad he is not here in many ways, I still... wish he was, all the same. I miss him dearly.
[He pulls Eren's hand back gently, pressing a hand to the burn and healing it as best as he can with the meagre power he was given from the potion on arrival. Then he leans in, kisses the healed skin.]
I know. It hurts more than words can say, doesn't it?
[Still, he manages a soft sad smile for his partner anyway.]
We will see them again. One day... this, I believe.
[Eren's grief is met with nothing more than tenderness, and he feels overwhelmed by both. He keeps his hand in Hythlodaeus', staring at him for long time, eyes back in focus, lost with some emotion.
[Eventually, he tightens up his jaw, straightens out his spine, and turns back to the stove, taking the pan off of the heat.]
[Eren doesn't mind the shift in topic - is grateful for it, in fact. He already thinks of Mikasa every moment, but he tries not to dwell. It's too much.]
Mostly, I just wanted to cook something for you. Someone else is better off teaching.
[He hopes he didn't cook the steaks too much.]
Sit down. I'll bring you a plate. What do you want to drink?
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I understand what you're saying, I think. [He speaks casually as he begins chopping up little potatoes into smaller pieces.]
It's different when someone's cooked it for you. Somehow...
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[And for as long as Eren isn't watching him, that silly little smile remains.]
Did you cook for people often, back home?
[He would like to know more about what Eren did back home when he wasn't... committing omnicide...]
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[The oven is turned on. He continues chopping.]
We all had to do our part. Everyone did a little cooking from time to time. That's really the extent of it, though.
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[He looks around at the kitchen, how clean it's kept.]
Cleaning, perhaps?
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We were expected to keep things clean as well. Spotless.
[Another moment of quiet. All that can be heard is the sound of the knife hitting the cutting board. He puts the chopped potatoes in a bowl and starts to season them.]
One of my superiors was especially particular about that sort of thing. [Somehow, his voice is just a little hollower when he says that.]
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[Idly he gets up, hearing the bitter tone in Eren's voice, and moves to wind his arms around his waist from behind- careful not to jostle him in the middle of cutting anything, incase he hurts himself.]
Were you not fond of him?
[He wants to know all about Eren, even the parts he would rather not talk about.]
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[Shame seeps from every pore. Eren was fond of him. Eren held him in higher esteem than almost anyone. Eren wanted to be like him. Eren wanted to make him proud.
[They'd considered themselves family once. It seems that was conditional.]
I am. [Still. Always.]
But we can't be together anymore.
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If you truly believe that, then I will not dispute it. You would know better than I, after all. Are they here?
[He knows there are a few people from Eren's world here, so perhaps?]
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[Still. At last, Eren nods.]
Captain Levi. He's a good man. [Eren really believes that.]
Just...don't mention my name.
[The oven beeps. Eren doesn't shift away from Hythlodaeus - merely moves around with him still attached, getting a tray out to put the potatoes on.]
I don't want to talk about it any more than that.
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[He knows of Levi. They talked about tea. He nods though.]
I shan't ask any more about him, then. My apologies... I simply want to know you better.
[Tucking Eren's hair behind his ear, he smiles regardless.]
It is in my nature, I fear, to want to understand that which I care for.
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It's alright.
[He has to lean away just long enough to get the potatoes into the oven. After that, he turns in Hythlodaeus' arms until he's facing him again. Eren takes a moment to look at his face. It's soothing.]
I'll tell you what I can. I don't mind you asking.
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What of Historia? She seems kind.
[She had said that she was Eren's close friend, so surely she's a happier topic for him?]
She said that you fought together back home?
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That's right. We grew up together.
We were in the same cadet corps, and then the Scout Regiment.
She's a good friend of mine.
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[He grins at that, recalling how tiny Eren had declared he would become as much.]
I confess, however, I haven't the foggiest what a cadet corps is...
[It's an invitation to tell him, of course. If Eren wants to explain it.]
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I did. I'm not a Scout anymore, though.
[He distracts himself with firing up the stove and heating a pan for the steaks.
[The Scout Regiment was dearer to him than anything; it still is now. It was painful to have left at all; it still is now.]
Cadets are like soldiers in training. Recruits who are trained until they can be assigned to a branch of the military. I was a cadet for three years, from twelve to fifteen. Historia was there with me that entire time.
I didn't know her well until we were both Scouts, though. [Historia wore a facade, just like Eren has learned to, but hers was much more pleasant. He liked her better once he learned she was the Worst Girl in the World.]
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[The idea of being trained to do nothing but fight... it baffles him.]
Some few of us could fight. But when the end came for us all, it was... too much. Had we a military, perhaps it would have been different- but I would not wish for things to be different in that regard. We were a peaceful people.
[He closes his eyes. He wants to say that's how they would have been remembered- as peaceful people- but they wouldn't.]
Until we were not, I suppose.
[They would either be remembered as the Ascians, bringers of chaos, or not at all. Which is worse?]
Are you glad that Historia is here?
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I'm not sure that a military would have made much difference. [The truths of Hythlodaeus' history sound just as terrible either way, really. People's lives were still sacrificed for some "greater good". Souls were trapped for milennia. What good would soldiers with weapons have done?
[Of course, it was The Scout Regiment that stopped Eren.
[They're different. They're special.]
As for Historia...
It's selfish to say...
[The steaks go into the pan, sizzling.]
It's good to see her again. Given everything I told you, I thought that I never would.
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[But they don't need to get into that, right now. Not unless Eren has more questions about it.]
It feels selfish, doesn't it? To be glad for somebody's presence here. I wish to see Emet-Selch every day, but I shouldn't.
[It's a little embarrassing to admit such weakness to somebody you're trying to otherwise impress. But he's an honest guy, for the most part.]
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Emet-selch. If you've told me before...
I'm sorry. I can't remember.
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[And then it had ended as abruptly as it had began, when Hythlodaeus was thrust into this world alone.]
When I arrived here, he did not come with me. Not like many others did. And although I am glad he is not here in many ways, I still... wish he was, all the same. I miss him dearly.
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[It's a familiar story. Eren can only turn briefly from the stove to watch Hythlodaeus as he tells it, but knows...]
I understand...
[And he doesn't particularly want to talk about it - her - ever, but...]
When I first arrived in this world, my wife was with me. We grew up together, the same as you said.
[He pushes the steaks around in the pan, but his gaze is unfocused. He burns himself without noticing. Steam rises.]
Lifelong feelings. Just the same. We got married...
She's gone now too.
[He turns the steaks over one by one, still staring through the pan.]
I get it.
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[He pulls Eren's hand back gently, pressing a hand to the burn and healing it as best as he can with the meagre power he was given from the potion on arrival. Then he leans in, kisses the healed skin.]
I know. It hurts more than words can say, doesn't it?
[Still, he manages a soft sad smile for his partner anyway.]
We will see them again. One day... this, I believe.
[He won't give up hope on that.]
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[Eventually, he tightens up his jaw, straightens out his spine, and turns back to the stove, taking the pan off of the heat.]
I won't. It's alright. I've accepted it.
As for you...
I hope that's true.
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I should have been looking at how you were cooking this, instead of gazing at you, hm?
[He tries to lighten the mood a little, because that's all he's really ever been good at doing.]
I fear with you trying to teach me anything, nothing would get done.
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Mostly, I just wanted to cook something for you. Someone else is better off teaching.
[He hopes he didn't cook the steaks too much.]
Sit down. I'll bring you a plate. What do you want to drink?
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we can probably move toward a wrap here for their cute lil date cries!!